Building mental toughness and confronting limiting beliefs

REA Group Head of Product, Media, Josh Slighting

Imposter syndrome used to feel like this distant concept reserved for the c-suite. But as I've climbed the career ladder and tackled bigger challenges, I've realised it's a universal, human struggle. For me, it manifests during times of change – switching jobs, being accepted into prestigious programs like The Marketing Academy, or even qualifying for an Executive MBA at just 27.

It's this nagging feeling of not being good enough, fearing failure, and constantly questioning if I belong. In my current role and previous ones, I've often had to dive headfirst into new projects with high stakes and expectations. Despite knowing I have the skills, doubts can creep in when things feel unfamiliar and relationships aren't established. It's like constantly asking myself, "am I really up to this?"

The Marketing Academy helped me spot and confront limiting beliefs in both myself and others. It’s human nature to focus on our shortcomings, but this program equipped me with the tools to reshape that narrative, focusing on what's achievable instead. The Marketing Academy introduces you to concepts like 'un-masking' where you’re showing the real you behind the façade, something that seems rare in most professional settings. That level of authenticity and true vulnerability is a powerful tool for combatting feeling like an imposter.

It makes you wonder, how many opportunities have you missed because you doubted yourself? How many dream roles did you convince yourself you weren’t good enough for, so didn’t even apply? How often do you stay silent in meetings, fearing your ideas won't measure up? A change in the narrative with yourself can have a significant and lasting impact on your career.

I’ve come to embrace hard things. Each time I’m in an uncomfortable situation, I remind myself I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. It’s an opportunity to learn and grow. Every success I’ve had started with moments of doubt, I’ve just got better at believing in myself over time. These challenges often translate into opportunities and being considered for things you might not have been otherwise.

When imposter syndrome starts creeping in, I've learned to manage it with a few key strategies. First off, I remind myself of my past successes. No matter how small, each win adds up and serves as evidence that I'm capable.

In recent years, I started doing a program called 75Hard (created by Andy Frisella). Its essence is putting yourself through uncomfortable situations to develop the skill of mental toughness. Mental toughness is a skill, and you need to constantly work on it to keep the muscle strong. The carry over into my professional life has been profound. Nowadays, I am often leading people through unfamiliar territory, so navigating the discomfort comes with the job and people look to me for direction. I know I’m able because I have evidence from past experience, allowing me to focus on the task at hand and not on my fear of failure.  

First, acknowledge the emotion. Sit with it for a moment and try understanding it and yourself. What’s making you feel like an imposter? Second, try shifting the dialogue with yourself into a more positive frame. What is one immediate thing you can do, no matter how small? You need to get busy adding deposits to your confidence box to break the shackles of feeling like an imposter.  

Before long you’ll be enjoying the rewards and being recognised for your efforts, and possibly looking for the next big scary thing.

Putting diversity in play, not just in place

Coca-Cola Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Director, Jude Batrac

Battling imposter syndrome can feel like being stuck between striving for perfection and being overwhelmed by doubt. Yet after spending some time in the diversity and inclusion field, I’ve seen things from a new angle. Much of what we experience as imposter syndrome is influenced by our surroundings rather than just our inner doubts.

My moment of clarity came during the FIFA Women's World Cup when working on the content for our global Diversity, Equity & Inclusion Summit. We used the tagline: ‘It’s not about fixing the player, it’s about fixing the field they play on’.  The summit was focused on driving systemic change for underrepresented groups in the workplace, and the metaphor stuck with me in the context of evaluating imposter syndrome: There is a crucial distinction between being diverse and being inclusive. There is no point having diversity in PLACE if it isn’t also PLAY.

It really boils down to what it feels like, not what it looks like. If anything's missing, that's where imposter feelings creep in. When inclusive leadership is in action, it's about everyone being invited to give their input and embracing different viewpoints. It's about creating a safe space to fail, employing inclusive language, offering apologies when mistakes are made, actively listening and having leaders who are both authentic and vulnerable. This kind of environment makes it tough for imposter syndrome to find a foothold.

It led me to question: How often do we label our feelings of inadequacy as imposter syndrome, when in reality you are just in a place that doesn't support you way it should? Maybe it's not about you needing to change; it's the environment that needs to change.

The Marketing Academy was the most profound chapter in leadership and self-discovery in my professional career. One standout was Richard Taylor (ex-Phantom of the Opera and keynote). He talked about his own battle with what he called high functioning anxiety — a concept I immediately identified with.

High functioning anxiety (HFA) is a silent assassin because it drives you to be hyper productive and desperate to look good. To the world, you look super busy and successful. But inside you’re struggling and nobody knows it. HFA is tricky because it hides behind your achievements, making it hard to see the problem. It’s stressful, pushing you to keep busy all the time, which hurts you and the people you love without even realising it.

I have since adopted these tips to deal with it:

• Name it: Just saying “I’m struggling” can be a big relief and a first step to dealing with it.
• Ground yourself: Slow down your thoughts by paying attention to simple things around you, like what you can see, touch, hear, smell and taste.
• Check your boundaries: Pay attention to how you start and finish your day to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.

So upon reflection, I am not sure imposter or high functioning anxiety can be harnessed for true gain.

The greatest tip I've learned from the TMA community is to challenge self-limiting beliefs. This comes straight from TMA founder, Sharilyn Shackell. When you're feeling scared or doubtful, take a moment to ask yourself: "What am I assuming here?" Our beliefs often come from our own experiences and what we expect to happen, which are essentially just guesses.

A powerful approach then asks you to turn a negative belief into a positive one and act on it. For example, let's say you're worried about returning to work after parental leave, especially with a new boss you haven't met. Here are four steps to tackle this:

1. Identify what's worrying you or the person you're helping. For instance, feeling like you've lost your edge or relevance after being away.
2. Question your assumptions about the situation. You might fear criticism or feel you're not up to par anymore.
3. Think of the positive opposite. What if your new boss values you more than the previous one? What if your experience as a parent adds unique maturity and insight?
4. Consider the "unlocking question": If you believed returning to this job was the best thing for your career, how would you approach it?

Feeling like an imposter also often comes with shame. It's a common feeling, but nobody really wants to talk about it.
 

We're all facing tough things. We all have moments when we doubt if we're good enough. And we all have things we'd rather keep hidden.

At work, the biggest reason we feel shame is when we're scared of becoming irrelevant. Symptoms include hiding the truth, spreading rumours, trying to be perfect, and linking how much we do to our self-worth.

The antidote is making yourself vulnerable to establish connection. Managing is about logic, but leading is about connecting with people on an emotional level. It's about making people feel that they're genuinely heard – that’s what builds connection.

Work hard, know your s***, show your s***, and then feel entitled

Tourism Australia head of digital experience, Larissa Nery

From a very early age I trained as a dancer. If I didn’t go into a career in marketing, I was set to go into the performing arts. For almost two decades I was conditioned to take the word of anyone in a teaching or coaching role as gospel. The implication was I should actively absorb all the criticism from my teachers with little recourse to do anything more than continually internalise those critiques to do better.

It’s no surprise I instinctually take it upon myself to pre-emptively point out my flaws and errors. It is a method of self-protection, a race to acknowledge my own perceived inadequacies before someone else can point them out and show signs of disappointment.

This chronic self-doubt followed me into my career in advertising. Maybe it was the high-performing culture of advertising agencies in the early 2000s, but I was always made to feel like I was replaceable, that there was always another account exec waiting to take over. It created a diminished sense of self-worth and a set of destructive messages. While I followed the textbook career progression through the agency ranks, I was constantly afraid to speak up or ask questions for fear of saying something stupid, or that people would find out I didn’t really know my craft as I went all-in with digital and martech.

“Despite outstanding academic and professional accomplishments, women who experience the impostor phenomenon persist in believing they are really not bright and have fooled anyone who thinks otherwise. Numerous achievements, which one might expect to provide ample objective evidence of superior intellectual functioning, do not appear to affect the impostor belief.” Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes.

Imposter beliefs can be attributed to a complex web of factors - physical, socialised, psychological and societal. For me, my imposter manifests in two archetypes: The perfectionist and the workaholic. The perfectionist stemming from those conditioned norms in my formative years and the belief that unless everything is 100 per cent flawless, I’ll be found out. The workaholic was born out being a woman working in martech trying to prove herself in a field dominated by men.

As a visible minority in martech, it’s easy to feel out of place, and there have been many incidents where the behaviour of others has fuelled this. The times I’ve walked into a room with my male colleagues and the externals we’re meeting ask me to get them a coffee. Or the pointed questions to “test” if I understand the super complex discussions going on in the room by the “big boys”. This used to wear me down. I also didn’t help myself in some situations where I’d diminish my role or title in introductions, “I work in his team and do digital things”. Seeing those strangers' faces pale as I lead the meeting or their inability to adequately respond to my line of questioning did bring some validation. It also started to shift the relationship I had with imposter syndrome - rather than using it to spiral into negativity, it started to become my biggest motivator.

In Rita Clifton’s Love Your Imposter: Be Your Best Self, Flaws and All, the former agency strategist and CEO states imposter beliefs are drivers and shouldn’t be pathologised. Clifton argues these beliefs are a normal part of being a human being. Identifying them shows you care enough about something to want to show up, to lead authentically and stretch yourself. This mindset truly helped reframe imposter syndrome for me and how I can harness it as a tool for personal growth and leadership.

After spending the last few years working through conquering my imposter beliefs, and going through the Marketing Academy Program, these are some other things I do to navigate through those feelings.

Identify the triggers

How much time do you spend on understanding the fundamental drivers of your values and motivations? What life experiences have shaped your beliefs to react in such a visceral way to certain situations? Acknowledge them, know what triggers them and give a name to those feelings.

Find your supporters

Sherilyn Shackell told us we need to find people in our lives who fill four roles: Coach, mentors, supporters and champions. The coach gives you advice and guides your career. Your mentors give you advice based on their experiences. Your supporters carry you through challenging times. Your champions advocate for you when you aren’t in the room. Know who these people are and trust them to give advice or call you on your drama.

Promote receiving and giving feedback

Adam Grant’s Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things, is another recommended read. In it he describes imposter syndrome as a paradox: Others believe in you. You don’t believe in yourself. Yet you believe yourself instead of them. This is where the importance of feedback comes into play. Grant emphasises that to tap into hidden potential, we must seek out and embrace feedback from others. It's through this external lens we can gain a clearer picture of who we are and where we can grow. After key meetings, presentations or conversations always ask someone for honest feedback. Sometimes it can be hard to hear and emotions get the better of you, but it's also encouraging to hear when you’ve hit all the beats.

Celebrate your accomplishments

When success or praise does come our way, we have a hard time accepting that we deserved it. Set your own goals and track them. When you check off a goal on your list, congratulate yourself. It helps you know how to play in your areas of genius and your strengths.

“Work hard, know your s***, show your s***, and then feel entitled”, Mindy Kalling, ‘Why Not Me’

Embrace the ambiguity and reframe the limiting beliefs

Having doubts, being curious and accepting there is more to learn is much more effective in leadership than a heightened sense of confidence and a firm belief you have all the answers. The moments of doubt and uncertainty are no longer a sign I’m a fraud or lack the ability. These feelings are simply a signal to myself that the task is difficult or it’s a problem I haven’t had to solve before. More often than not, it’s because I’m moving into my stretch zone and testing my skills. Feeling like an imposter might be what leads me to learning something new.

“It’s never been about whether we’re qualified or ready. It’s about saying I’m here, and I can lead too”. Reshma Saujani, CEO Girls Who Code.